his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
