Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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