When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
