I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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