i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
