i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
