I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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