She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
