Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
