My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
