it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
