If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
