Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
