Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
