so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
