youre lurking in front of me
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I had to cum in my sink.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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