This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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