Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
