We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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