forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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