Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
