Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
