so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
