I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize
