I'm really into asian looking animals
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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