I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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