maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
