I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
