my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
