why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
