He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
