saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
