he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
