that's an acceptable place to lick
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
