He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
