Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
