At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
