your parents love me but you hate me
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
4 words: hood of his car
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
