After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
