I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
i think i just lost a toe
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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