I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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