the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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