so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
