Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I need moral support for this bender
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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