I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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