until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
