I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
