u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I am full of burrito and curiosity
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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