i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
