i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
