At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
