can we get nightvision for the apartment?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
