You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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