ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
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