...so i touched it.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
